A Cushion Called Excuse

stockvault-labrador-dog-lying-on-pillows130868I would like to start this post with a question to you, my dear reader.

And better think it through before you answer.

Which word is used as commonly as it is used out of context?

It is not “thank you” nor “I’m sorry”, though I get why you may think so 🙂

Nevertheless, the answer that I am going for is “I hope.”

“I hope I pass the exam”

“I hope we can resolve our issues”

“I hope she will see me in a different light”

Now, do you really mean that? Do you really believe in a positive outcome of the situation, as theoretically being hopeful for something indicates? ‘Cause I don’t. Whenever I say “I hope” it is followed by “but” and a whole litany of counterarguments. Like: “I hope I will get better with my writing, but it is hard to put your thoughts on paper, to present your ideas in a clear and comprehensive way, and to be able to remain interesting for your readers at all times.”

All of that is true; true but unnecessary. I should have stopped on the first part, leaving all buts aside. Why do I let constrain myself with fear and negativity? Why do I allow empty hope followed by excuses to undermine my life decisions? If I want to write better I will because I consciously chose to. As simple as that!

Of course I will have to work hard on it, because nothing comes easy in this life: every skill needs to be polished and taken care of, but the first big step has already been taken. I allowed hope, this warm comforting feeling that prevents us from resigning from our goals, to work its miracles: to motivate me, to make me feel good about myself.

Hope for better is not only a vague concept, you can actually physically feel it swarming through your body, energizing it as if to warm it up for future battle with obstacles. Hope is as tangible as fear which is a usual culprit to blame for a crime of negative thinking. Yes, a CRIME! A crime of striping yourself of every chance to succeed even before you start.

Feeling truly hopeful relaxes our body and contributes to our lower level of stress, whereas fear tenses our muscles as if we were being on a constant watch for a punch to hit us. Hence, we often tend to describe fear as a knot in a stomach. It happens because we expect the worst, and our body adapts mentally and physically for something unpleasant to happen, and what is more unpleasant than being punched in a stomach.

We tend to create many possible negative outcomes to every goal we strive to achieve. Why? Because it prevents us from feeling utterly devastated in case we fail. “I saw it coming anyway,” we usually conclude with a resigned nod.

This attitude unfortunately goes further. Even if we succeed, we are no longer able to be happy about it, but we diminish our achievement to protect ourselves from being hurt in the further future or not to look stupid before people we ranted during the whole process of achieving the goal.

We and many people around us use the same tactics to protect our fragile ego so prone to the opinion of others as much as to self-evaluation which very often is so much harsher than it should.

We surround ourselves with the whole bunch of cushions of “buts” for our fall to seem less hurtful. But those cushions as much as they absorb the shock of a potential failure, they do the same to success; they contaminate our true feeling of victory as well as they keep us negative throughout the whole journey that leads us to our chosen goal.

My mother once told me that a person does not fail; they just take a step back and begin one more time choosing other path which may happen to be even more exciting and eventful than we expected. Thinking in these terms makes us see the world totally differently; it allows us to see it as a never-ending adventure full of challenges rather than a gloomy jungle full of traps and horrific monsters ready to eat us alive.

So, here and now, I would like to make a statement.

Ladies and gentlemen, I hereby announce that from this day on I get rid of all my safety cushions of “buts”, “howevers” and “I- told-you-I-can’t-do-this”.

I pledge to live up to my goals enjoying not only the happy ending but also the journey leading to it.

And I invite you to do the same. Maybe you have already done so or you are thinking about it. I would really love to hear all about your experience with your cushions 🙂

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2 thoughts on “A Cushion Called Excuse

  1. I try to follow the path described in the post, but it is difficult. Negativity pops up like a rabbit from a magician’s hat.
    Moreover, I am more afraid of the future negative opinion of others rather than my possible failure. I can see them saying for example: what a geek, she made a total fool of herself or she’s talking big again …
    But no matter how hard it can be, I don’t see any other path before me. Cheers!

    • Fear of being judged is in all of us. So I can totally relate to what you have just said. However, I try to tell myself whenever such fear overcomes me that it is MY fear – my subjective interpretation of the reality that is governed by my personal emotions. Others are probably to busy living their own lives, having their own problems… True or not, directing my thoughts that way, always helps me 🙂

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